3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize