no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
