Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
