And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
