I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
