If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
