You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just high enough for therapy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
