I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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