haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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