do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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