do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you made out with another girl for some wings
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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