i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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