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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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