do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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