So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Bring me that man meat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
