Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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