guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
