I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize