so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
