I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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