I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
