Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't think brook has ever known best
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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