O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
