Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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