i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
