They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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