There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
