Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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