I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
