I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
