My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize