In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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