I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
