Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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