Is it because I queefed?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
