Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize