Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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