Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
