How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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