i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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