she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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