she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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