Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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