At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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