I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
