Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
