Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
