Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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