His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
