I can text with my tongue
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
