I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
