I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize