Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
