Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We are all done wearing pants today
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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