i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
