just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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