Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't turn off my feet"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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