I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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