We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
