there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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