his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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