He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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