just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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