Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
