it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
