The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
