You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
