I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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