There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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