We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
