actually, I'm a sock model
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
