Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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