talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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