If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
