im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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