the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
