well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
