the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
